This former back-up dancer

Now known as Mr. Spears

Has brought us the worst album

To be released in years

Though he thinks he's Eminem

He's more Vanilla Ice

And after you've heard this one once

You wouldn't hear it twice

Just listen to the lyrics

And see if you agree

These are the worst songs ever "sung"

In all of history

The first single is "Lose Control"

A track that should be tossed

I would suggest this album

Be avoided at all cost

Maybe next year on April 1

(You'll get two for a buck)

Buy `em for an All Fool's joke

and watch your pals upchuck

Amanda Richards, October 31, 2006

The sheer cacophony that this album exhudes is a declaration of war against all which is good and pure in this world. Skies will rain blood, virgins will be spontaneously defiled, and there will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

The drum machines in this necronomicon of pain are wrought from the realm of Baalzebub himself, their metallic drone bores holes within the eardrums - sweet mercy comes from this.

The unholy union between K-Fed and music television will ensure that this demon seed is poured forth upon the masses, burning them with unescapable torment.

It must be stopped.

I gave half of this CD a listen to see if the criticism Federline has been receiving is justified. I can quite clearly say that it is. The "beats" on this album are pretty sophmoric, but could be overlooked with good writing. There are no songs that really have a very catchy rhythm that you can enjoy, although a few have potential. The main problem with the album though is the awful lyrics:

"Im the talk of the town

Thats the reason why they stare

4 karats in my ear

If you look see a glare"

"When the pen hits the pad

It's in the left hand

Every single word is worth thirty grand"

"Every word out my mouth

Make headline news

I'm the best, I rule

Come test my tools"

Federline spends the entire album rapping about four things:

a) His wife

b) How much everyone hates him

c) How much pot he smokes / how much he gets drunk

d) How awesome he is.

I assume the fact that people are always "hatin' on him" gives him street cred and makes him tough in his eyes. I just can't understand it, as these lyrics would be laughable from ANY artist, not just him. He actually has a fairly decent voice, but it won't matter if he keeps using monosyllable rhymes that sound like they were written by a third grader.

I take back everything I ever said about Vanilla Ice.

I'll be nice.

Relative to a pool of vomit, this album is pretty solid. I'd rather have this album thrown at me at high speeds than a chainsaw. If I was stranded on a desert island, I'd rather have this album than a tumor. If I had to lick something, I'd rather it be this album than, say, a ferret's balls. At my next birthday party, I'd much rather you sing than a man that could make Earth explode with his voice. If I needed a drinking buddy, I'd rather it be you than someone with an uncontrollable bladder that also happens to be a recovering alcoholic whose wife is only giving him one last chance before she kicks him out of the house and takes his kids, that being the final straw before he flips out and murder's my grandfather.