The school Christmas party is coming
We ain't doing rugby no more
McIntyre's teaching us waltzing
Out on the gymnasium floor
Out on the gymnasium floor

McIntyre's out of the Army
You'll be slippered if you get it wrong
McIntyre's din booms loud in the gym
And we've only got our little shorts on
We've only got our little shorts on

And it's one, two, three, two, two - we're all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apartAnd we danced with ourselves, when we'd all found a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts.

Comes the day of the final maneuvers
All of our heads are awhirl
It's getting much closer to D-dayThis time we're gonna do it with girls
This time we're gonna do it with girls

In the arena the ladies were waiting,
A 12 year old partner to guide
Some matches were fixed, the rest of us mixed
And a fat girl got left at the sideA fat girl got left at the side

And it's one, two, three, two, two - we're all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
And we danced with ourselves, when we'd all found a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts

When you come to my fights
And I'm under the lights
And you see that my footwork is false
Don't count me out, at the start of the bout
I'm just doing the Secondary Waltz
Doing the Secondary Waltz