YEOWCH. Guess all good things come to an end, eh?

Throw another failed hero's corpse on the pyre. An appropriate name for the album and I think the victims are Simon, Nick and the (and now there were) two Taylors (wish Andy could play nice, they're at a loss without him, I mean, Warren Cookaburra, past his Zappa prime?!!?).

Simon admitted this was their attempt to get back in the charts but what price victory? This has all the earmarkings of late '00s production, sparse instruments, heavily processed percussion, and the overall feeling of a humid, sticky dancefloor in some urban setting, all achieved while working with Timbaland and an ex member of one of the many boy bands to follow in DD's wake in the two decades since the band was going up the charts and most of South America was going up their collective nose. You could hear this in the clubs and not remember a single song. I don't.

At least the boys are being honest in their bid for something beyond the cabaret circuit Limahl and Human League work these days. It's shallow and so were they, and Simon said in an Uncut interview (21 January 08. It was actually SPIN. Ed.) they wanted to grow old disgracefully like the Stones. Well Simmo, it's a start. Get it out of your system, patch things up with Andy, and do another brilliant work like Astronaut.

Signed,
epsteinsmutha

While this has been heralded as a much anticipated return to the Duran Duran dance floor, "Red Carpet Massacre" is dominated by its producers. It certainly does make it a club-ready batch of songs, yet it lacks the ready charm of 2004's Astronaut. There's nothing here to rival "Hungry Like The Wolf," "I Don't Want Your Love," or even "Notorious." Like most of Timbaland's projects, making beats seem to take precedence over making actual songs, and for some reason, rinky-dink sounding electronic pulses have supplanted a drummer. It makes the lead-off track, "The Valley" tinkle like a Lego-set instead of a Killer (pun 100% intended) offensive tackle.

This is the primary fault with "Red Carpet Massacre." The production lacks meat. There is no muscle, no flesh to these machine driven songs, and other than Simon LeBon's distinct vocals, much of this could have been any other dime-store pop band. There is too much Britney Spears and not enough Brandon Flowers. Saving the album from Pop Trash oblivion is - of all people - Justin Timberlake. The ballad he co-wrote, "Falling Down," is one of the album's highlights. Timberlakes' FutureSex / LoveSounds obviously influenced RCM, as the coolest dance tracks sound like Timberlake personally handed "Skin Divers" or "Nite Runner" directly to the band.

It's just that the old "Sex Pistols meets Chic" aesthetic seems to have gone by the wayside in favor of an updated sound. Only the buzz-saw instrumental and the giddy "Girls On Film" reminiscent title track harkens back to the band's younger days. It makes "Red Carpet Massacre" a mid-level Duran Duran album, on a par with Liberty or Notorious...competent and experimental, just not a late-game stunner like The Wedding Album and Astronaut were.

I can understand why this album is so divisive. Rather than make grand pronouncements or add to the din, I will attempt to break down, as objectively as possible, what you'll get here.

This is not a return to the classic Duran sound. Think about the old hits we all love so much, and there's a lot of guitar on there. Not so much here. This one is very beat driven.

If you like classic new wave (like Missing Persons), there are a lot of synth sounds here that I think you'll enjoy.

The modern beats -- there's no denying they're here, and in abundance. To my ear, though, when paired with the new wavy synths it sounds retro instead of like a grab for current chart cred.

Simon's voice is mixed loud and clear, which goes a long way to making this still sound like Duran. He's got a really unique voice and it sounds great here.

I'd go so far as the compare this to an update or sequel to Big Thing, though that may not be completely accurate. Just say this, you can draw a straighter line from Big Thing to this album than you could from Rio.

I loaded in three stars because I don't want to shove an opinion down your throats -- but I really like this. Even more than Astronaut (and I really like Astronaut). Somehow, as strange as it seems on paper, I think it works.

But I totally get why it's not for everyone.

Several months on I find I need to update my opinions of this album.

1. The Valley - Seeing this song performed live has given it a whole new dimension for me. I wish the CD track was more noisy, like the song is played live. Rating: 4.

2. Red Carpet Massacre - Grind-heavy rocker. Great chorus, snarky lyrics about paparazzi. "We're so busted... done and dusted..." This tune rocks. Rating - 4.

3. Nite-Runner - Very dark-funky track with an undeniably catchy hook. Great synth my Nick. Timbaland and Justin Timberlake show up on the backing vocals. Nice bridge featuring TBL on vocals. This one just screams "single!". Rating - 4.

4. Falling Down - Meloncholy mid-tempo ballad. Maybe the best song they've ever done; right up there with "Come Undone" and "Ordinary World". Terrific lyrics and vocals. Co-written with JTL. Can't stop singing the chorus. Sing-song like guitar work and backing vocals by JTL really stand out. Rating - 5.

5. Box Full of Honey - Acoustic spanish-guitar influenced ballad with a great lyric and hooks. Virtuoso vocal and melody by Simon. Nick's flute-like synth is reminiscent of the Arcadia track "El Diablo". Excellent. Rating - 5.

6. Skin Divers - Another of the Timbaland/Timberlake produced tracks. Basically just a groove number with Timbaland rapping over the chorus. Sounds a bit like "Drowning Man' from the Wedding Album. I have a better opinion now after hearing it live. Rumor is it's being remixed for release as a single. Rating - 3.

7. Tempted - Another synth-heavy track. Great melody and very catchy on repeated listenings. Rating - 4.

8. Tricked Out - Unecessary instrumental. Seems like it's just there to take up album space. Rating - 2.

9. Zoom In - Last of the TBL/JTL tracks. Mid-tempo track that seems designed to promote the band's "Second Life" venture. Dissapointing collaboration. Rating - 1.

10. She's Too Much - Slow melodic track with a nice low beat and heavy intonations in the lyrics. Much better than my first impression Rating - 3.

11. Dirty Great Monster - Slow rock track. Lyric sounds like it's about abuse. Surprisingly, gets more interesting as it goes, but the lyric is very dark. Some saxophone. Big letdown at the end. Rating - 2.5.

12. Last Man Standing - Expecting an up-tempo finish? Forget it! Mid-tempo track with an odd vocal. Just an OK track. At least it's short. Rating 2.5.

13. Cry Baby Cry [Bonus Track] Availabale as an iTunes dowload. I like it better than many of the tracks on the albumt. Up-tempo funky track with a Simon falsetto vocal and some cool lyrics about fame. Where's this on the album? Rating - 3.5.

Overall - Wow, really fades at the end. For all the hype by reviewers and industry types it's an fairly tame and tepid album. Doesn't have half the energy of "Astronaut". I can't imagine what it would be like without "Falling Down", the last track recorded on the spur-of-the-moment with JTL. The best music is in the first 7 tracks. After that they may as well have phoned it in (wait, they did!). Looks to me like they better dig out that "Reportage" project they did with Andy and beg him to come back.

I understand how bands grow, change their sound, etc, but this is unlistenable, not catchy and just plain boring. Thought the last album was great, a real comeback in the making. But this follow up is completely disappointing.