I work down at the pizza pit
and I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm five foot three and overweight

I'm a sci-fi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out myspace

'cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate
and I love a good glass of wine

(Chorus)
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious'cause even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life, the only time I've ever even been to LA
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the rose parade

'cause online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that will blow your mind

(Repeat Chorus)It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'cause even on a slow day, I can have a three way Chat
with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm much cooler online

When you got my kind of stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Everytime I log in

Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online
Hey I'm so much cooler online
Yeah I'm cooler online