Way back in July 2004, riding on the coattails of her sister's meaningless success in reality television, Ashlee Simpson coughed up the #1 cash cow release of the season with her debut LP, "Autobiography," despite the immediate recognition of critics and music lovers alike that she simply could not sing. After the notorious SNL debacle in which Simpson was caught lip-syncing, however, one would think that those who dubbed her a non-talent would finally be taken seriously. However, the general public has a memory span of three seconds, and so the recent release of "I Am Me" made for another #1 debut.

One only needs to know the title of the album to sense that it is smothered in self-indulgence and pretense. After listening to the first few tracks, as well as glancing at the cover in which the back-to-blonde and expressionless Simpson is almost eclipsed by darkness, this is confirmed.

To be sure, after the third track "Beautifully Broken" slides by, the essence of what "I Am Me" is all about has been revealed. What is that? Pure pop, written by pure pop tunesmiths, those being John Shanks (Kelly Clarkson, Michelle Branch) and Kari DioGuardi (Marc Anthony, Kylie Minogue), soaked in layer upon layer of clamorous, headache-inducing production that conveniently keeps Simpson's obviously studio-assisted vocals in the backseat for half the ride. This is not to say that there is anything bad about pop music. It just so happens that this pop music, which Simpson would insist is "rock," is frivolous, unmemorable drivel that will not be remembered one year down the road, much less twenty.

There are meaningful lyrics and catchy melodies here and there, but ultimately none of the eleven tracks stick due to the hideous production that makes them sound like one long, winding cloud. This contrasts with her debut, which, for all its faults, still contained a handful of tracks with catchy hooks. One of those, "Love Makes the World Go 'Round," is recycled here as "Dancing Alone." Most importantly, people who can actually sing and write songs do the job better, and deserve a slice of Simpson's spotlight.

Ultimately, Simpson's declaring "I am me, and I won't change for anyone" is all well and good, for those are respectable words indeed. However, no matter how noble her words are nor how kind a person she may be, these things have not kept her from churning out CDs that ought to sprout legs and jump into the nearest furnace. The perfect recommendation instead of "I Am Me" is Liz Phair's latest record, "Somebody's Miracle." A fine mixture of pop/rock by a songwriter with true personal style and an imperfect but endearing voice, she is everything Simpson is touted as being but is not.

"You'll never go broke when you appeal to the lowest common denominator." - Lisa Simpson

Truer words have never been spoken.

SNL and pop music history was made approximately one year ago, when good old Ashleeeee Simpson, whose artistic integrity was more than questionable to begin with, was revealed to be nothing more than a lip-syncher. Anyone of us could do what she did. Not only that, but she wouldn't even accept responsibility; she went hysterical, blaming her band, acid reflux disease, and pretty much anyone or anything else that seemed like a perfect scapegoat.

Flash forward to January 2005. Somehow, she gets invited to play the Orange Bowl in Miami, and she actually DOESN'T lip-synch... but her performance shows why she would in the first place. After she finally ceased that infernal caterwauling, the 70,000 fans BOOED HER RIGHT OFF THE STAGE! It felt so good seeing that. Ashlee's career had to be over, right? I mean, who could possibly support her after this?

I'll tell you who. The tweens of 2005, that's who.

Welcome to the new millenium, where garbage sells. But Ashlee Simpson is not just about making horrendous "music". She's about being completely FAKE. She's about having no talent, and having no respect for the people who support the trash she churns out. The thing is, she was even caught in the act! AND PEOPLE STILL SUPPORT HER! WHAT THE-?!

Hey, why not go out and buy some Milli Vanilli? They're just as much of "artists" as Ashleeeeeeee is!

If this were as recent as 10 years ago, this would never have been tolerated. But thanks to the new millenium, people like this get to keep living large. Only in America. I'm off to go listen to my Black Sabbath albums now. Bye.

Here we go again with Joe Simpson's second (soon to fail) attempt to show that he has another talented daughter.

Wasn't SNL and the Orange Bowl good enough?

Of course I wanted to dislike this album and why I purchased it over the new depeche mode album, I may never know. However, am I disappointed? No. Actually, I got just what I was looking for. Fluffy poppy punk that I can sing to and laugh about. God knows I need it with all the everyday BS in the world. The second track In Another Life is well worth the ticket price and Beautifully Broken is a swell tune worth checking out. Don't take it too serious, critics. It's just pop music.

Astonishing lack of talent combined with total self absorption make this an astonishing, staggeringly bad piece of teeniebopper nerd fluff. I was wondering if it's possible to lip synch on your own CD. I think yes.

I watched Ashlee of Larry King a few nights ago...like, uh, yeah, like, totally, like, you know, wow, like...totally vacant. Nobody home.

At least if she looked cute it might have uses, but she's as nerdy and ditzy as she looks.

Ashlee makes Britney look like a Rhodes Scholar. Take a pass on this one and buy some real music.